007 – alone

sometimes i still try to find you

at the bus stop near the station

on my way to school.

 

i peer outside the window

even though i know

i will not see you there.

 

i always pass by that place

too early

or too late.

 

i miss that shitty haircut,

those wide eyes,

that tight-lipped smile.

 

i miss those arms,

those hands,

the slouch of your body.

 

most of all,

i miss the sound of your voice

because i cannot remember it.

 

i cannot remember

the sound of your voice

forming my name.

 

i cannot remember

the way you spoke

your promises.

 

i hate how much i want you

to come back to my side

and talk to me.

 

i hate how much i want things

to be the way

they used to be.

 

i hate that when i lie in bed,

i remember you

by my side.

 

i hate how much

i remember the your room

the way it was in october.

 

when i close my eyes,

when i am in bed alone,

i can remember

 

that day you came over

to my house,

in my room,

 

and you held me as i cried,

and i can feel your arms

around me.

 

i remember the way

you lay next to me,

holding me.

 

i remember you whispered

sweet words to me,

saying you were there for me.

 

i remember you said

something along the lines of

you never wanting to let me stand alone.

 

i remember thinking

that i would never have to

cry alone again.

 

love,

you have never come back

to my home.

 

love,

you haven’t held me

for a long time.

 

love,

you call me weak

when i cry.

 

love,

you haven’t been there for me

since the beginning of november.

 

love,

you left me

alone.

 

love,

i’ve cried alone

for months now.

 

love,

you aren’t mine to miss

anymore.

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