002 – ides

they say beware the ides of march

but for me, it’s mid-july;

the coldest month of the year

in which you first held my hand.


somewhere, in a darkened movie theatre,

the images of a romance playing across the screen,

i can no longer truly remember it,

but i know that at the time, i had never felt warmer.


you were beautiful,

in that theatre,

walking beside me,

at the park.


you were beautiful,

back then

always have been,

always will be.


i’m scared of what the month will be like

this year, without you.

i’m scared of losing what i have left

to remember you by.


i think i’ve already lost you though –

you are cruel now, colder,

a good person,

but more willing to hurt.


when i see you now, it sends me into a panic;

my body forgets how to breathe

because i’ve been breathing for you all this time,

and it feels like you don’t want me to.


you still look the same, just a little older,

a little colder,

it breaks my heart to say it,

but your younger brother has the eyes you used to have.


it hurts, love, it hurts so much,

that so much and so little has changed,

because in truth,

i cannot see the person i fell in love with –


yet i still love you with all my heart




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